


What the hell is a "Spidey Sense"

by mauvera



Series: In other news: the avengers don't know what a Spidey Sense is [1]
Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, Spider-Man: Homecoming (2017), The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Clint is too old for this shit, Gen, karma is a bitch clint, mild warning for some swearing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-02
Updated: 2018-10-02
Packaged: 2019-07-23 21:24:44
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,791
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16167230
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mauvera/pseuds/mauvera
Summary: Clint Barton just wanted to shoot some arrows and kill some bad guys. Why did an arachnid themed child have to go around saving his life and making up super powers?He is definitely getting too old for this shit.





	What the hell is a "Spidey Sense"

 

Why did it have to be robots? Why was it always robots? Clint grimaced, reaching behind him to grasp the shaft of a new arrow with practiced ease. Without even looking he managed to aim and fire in under a second, catching the nearest droid and piercing it’s tough metal hide. The robot refused to pause as it continued on its flight right towards him. Being a mindless drone however, it did not seem to register the dozens of it’s companions being pulled right towards it. 

 

Clint was rather proud of his newest trick arrow. The magnets he’d installed were four times as strong as the ones he’d been using a year ago. 

 

He grinned darkly as the robot began to register it’s slowing flight. Gears and wires inside of its body were collapsing in on themselves, melding into one metallic clump. The bodies of it’s companions catching up and crashing into one another. He watched as his arrow began to beep, the beat racing faster and faster. An amalgamation of robot bodies were hurtling towards his perch on the corner of some convenient office building. Clint bared his teeth, the robots may not have been real people but surely it was nice to see a smile right before the arrow embedded inside of your metallic body sets off a chain explosion taking out an entire troop of robots that had been drawn in like moths to light. 

 

Plumes of smoke rose midair to accompany the sounded of heavy clumps of metal plummeting from the sky, mere meters from Clint’s position. Already his eyes were seeking out his next target. He registered the sweeping beam of Ironman’s repulsors burning swiftly through another fleet of the droids as they poured from the gaping hole in reality. How it was that he had come to a point in his life where “reality holes” were a genuine threat and not even one registering more than mild surprise was beyond him. He was an assassin. He was an agent. He had a damn bow and a couple of arrows. What the actual fuck was Fury thinking when he sent him to deal with interdimensional robot invasions. 

 

Clint didn’t quite register the dramatic irony of his thoughts as he managed to take out another whole battalion of bots with only three strategically placed EMP arrows. 

 

His vision was momentarily obscured by a flash of red and blue rushing past him. It infuriated him to no end that he had to actually look back to check if it was Cap’s iconic uniform or the new kid’s damn Halloween costume. Everyone had a damn gimmick these days. Why it was that no one could just dress appropriately all in black tactical gear like him and Tasha was a mystery. Surely it wasn’t that bloody fun to be all bright and shiny like the rest of his teammates. At the very least they were good at staying focused when they were on the job. Well, most of them were.

“Hey so do you think if we like kidnapped a robot that it would be inhumane?” Clint groaned at they pure curious joy in the kids voice. Did he not realise that he was trying to fight for his life? Save an entire city? Was this just a normal Thursday for him? “Because I was thinking, it’s not a good thing to kidnap people right? What with y’know independent agency and all-” Clint couldn’t even be bothered to worry about the solid thumping noise of something heavy hitting the kid mid sentence. He had been at first of course. He had been absolutely pissed that Stark had let some child who was probably just out of diapers on the field. Although after he had seen that same kid lifting up a dumpster, which had vaguely reminded him of one Clint had fallen into recently, and then chucking it ten stories high that was when Clint figured the kid might be able to hold his own in a fight. Honestly he wasn’t sure he’d seen Cap pull that move off yet. It wasn’t half bad. Not that he’d ever tell him that. 

 

“But robots aren’t people so does morality still count? How sentient is sentient enough do ya think?” Yep. The kid was okay. Clint didn’t need to have seen whatever had hit him to know he was absolutely alright. You never did have to worry about him until he started to voluntarily tell you he was fine. That’s when you knew he must’ve been holding his own organs in by hand. Clint shivered at the memory of that particular discovery after a battle. 

 

“Hey kid?”

 

“Yeah Mr. Stark?”

 

“Shut up.”

 

“Yeah okay.”

 

God, how was he still so enthusiastic even when getting told by the man he so obviously idolised to shut the hell up? Clint was too old for this shit. Gritting his teeth he pushed thoughts of the child to the back of his mind and backed away from the edge. After some quick calculations and a deep sense of regret for his life Clint surged forward, leaping from the edge of the building. For just a moment he was weightless. He simply hovered in the air, resting on a cloud of wind and momentum. And then gravity seemed to register that it wasn’t really doing it’s job anymore and began to forcefully tug him to the ground. Clint plummeted. He twisted mid air, pulling a new arrow from his quiver and aiming for a ledge that he’d gotten a good half second to locate. The arrow flew twice as fast as he was falling. A grapple protruded from the head and caught upon the railings of the ledge, just as he had planned. The cord attached to a harness beneath his clothes caught him mid-fall, yanking him to a halt, just in time to rip a knife from his boots and plunge it into the back of a passing droid. 

 

The sounds of battle followed Clint as he pulled himself up the cord, at last alighting upon the building. Tumbling to his feet he had just enough time to rip a drain pipe from the wall and swing it into a robot that had been reaching for his neck. The robot clattered back and slammed into four more of it’s companions pushing them right into the path of Tony’s repulsors. He got a salute from the Ironman suit in thanks. Clint nodded back, chucking the pipe straight down to the street where it was supposed to land on the robot he’d seen trying to sneak up behind Wanda’s back. He didn’t check if it hit it’s mark. It did. 

  
  


The battle raged on as it usually did; with the Avengers kicking alien robot ass. Clint was once again regretting the lack of readily available stores of arrows in his vicinity when he heard a gasp over the comms and the sound of webbing shooting over his head. He had just barely whipped his head around to look at whatever had scared the Spider-Kid so bad when he saw the red and blue clad figure holding up at least fifteen tonnes of building that had been about to collapse right where Clint was standing. He didn’t mean to gape. It was unprofessional. 

 

But also, what the fuck. What the actual fuck? How in hell did that guy see what was happening quick enough to get there. Clint had been watching everything except his own back, he knew that the Spider had been half a block over quipping at a deaf robot. Whatever laser beam the robot’s ship had shot was quick, quiet and damn efficient. No normal person could’ve seen it coming and reacted fast enough to save Clint’s life. 

 

Admittedly, no normal person could still be standing there holding  _ fifteen _ tonnes of concrete and office supplies. At a loss of what to do Clint merely nodded his thanks and leapt onto the back of a passing robot, catching onto it’s back and struggling to redirect it to a new, less convenient location. It was only after he had found his feet on stable roof and a disembodied robot head in his hand that he had time to turn back and check on the kid. 

 

It seemed he was also just in time to see that same actual child heave the roof up, over his head, and launch it towards the ship that had nearly taken Clint out. 

 

All he came here to do was shoot some arrows. 

 

Why was a radioactive infant able to do that. 

 

Why wasn’t life fair. 

 

Urgh. 

 

-

 

“And then Mr Stark I lifted the whole thing and went like ‘argh’ as I threw it at the ship and then it went down kinda like a ‘fwrooshh’ noise but also like ‘clackackackack’ because it’s engines were shutting down and I think I lodged that entire front office in the propeller. Did you even see how it just went ‘fwoom’ as it fell into the portal. I mean, wow. If I got that angle wrong it totally would’ve smooshed that building. Oh man, then the Avenger’s would’ve had to pay property damage right. Wait, you pay for the Avenger’s mistakes. Shoot Mr. Stark. I didn’t mean to imply I wanted you to pay for my mistakes. I know you’re super busy and money doesn’t grow on trees. Even though we do use paper money. And paper comes from trees. Sorry, sidetracking. Anyway I promise I wouldn’t ask you to pay for me. I’d be happy to work and help clean up. Do ya think they’ll hire me and let me still wear the mask?” 

 

Clint was relieved on the kid’s behalf that he seemed to finally remember to actually breathe. He cast a glance back at the pair, the Spiderling’s hands still hovered midair as though unsure what to do with themselves now he had stopped presumably gesticulating rapidly as he told his stories. Tony, in what Clint was pretty sure he’d deny to the day he died, cast a look down at the kid smiling like a proud and begrudgingly amused parent would when their child burnt the breakfast they’d made for their dad. It was the thought that counted. 

 

“Kid. You are aware I’m super rich right? I have so much money. And honestly, if the cost of you taking out that jet was a couple million then so what. You did good kid.” Even behind the mask everyone could tell he was beaming at Tony’s praise. It was just a little bit cute. 

 

The Avengers filed back into the penthouse of the Tower, happy to dump their various forms of weaponry around the lounges. Also happily ignoring Tony’s disapproving glare. 

 

“Yeah kid, you uh, you did good.” Everyone turned to him immediately. Clint didn’t just compliment people. He especially didn’t just casually compliment the kid. It wasn’t that they particularly disliked each other but Clint was honestly too old for the teenage superhero shit and not that he’d admit it, he’d never been a huge fan of spiders. 

 

The Spiderling titled his head in confusion. 

 

“... Thanks?”

 

Urgh. Now he had to actually acknowledge why he was praising him.

 

“You saved my bacon today. So thanks for that. It’s still freaky that you can lift half a building though.” He felt the need to add that after the kid visibly brightened at his thanks. Gotta keep it chill. 

 

“Wow, thanks Hawkeye. It was no problem though, I just saw there was gonna be trouble and kinda acted on instinct.”

 

“Actually yeah. I wanted to ask about that. How the hell did you see what was gonna happen? There is no way you could’ve made it over in time unless you can see the future.” He paused. “You can’t see the future right?”

 

“Oh haha no. No future vision for me. Just my Spidey Sense.”

 

Why was Clint the only one who looked surprised?

“Your what now?”

 

“Spidey Sense.”

 

“Yeah kid repeating the name doesn’t actually tell me what the hell you’re on about.”

 

“Have I not told you already? I’m pretty sure I did. Anyway, Spidey Sense.” He shrugged, “It lets me know when danger is coming. It’s kinda like lowkey anxiety except useful. If I feel it I know I need to be on alert and check if there’s any danger nearby. So I felt the Spidey Sense coming from your direction and I swung over and boom, a building collapsed.”

 

Clint glanced around the room. Everyone else seemed perfectly fine with the absolute lunacy being said right now. 

 

“You have magic powers that tell you when danger is coming.”

 

“Well not magic.”

 

“But powers.”

 

“Yeah?”

 

“That you got from a magic spider?”

 

“Radioactive spider.”

 

“That tell you the future.”

 

“Nope.”

 

“That tell you of danger… in the future.”

 

“I mean, kind of?”

 

“And you used this magi- sorry,  _ radioactive  _ power to decide to pick up a building not just push me out of the way?”

 

“Well… I didn’t know what was gonna happen so maybe if I had moved you it would’ve made things worse. I dunno how it works.”

 

“But you can see the future?”

“No?!”

  
  


The kid seemed as confused as he was. Honestly he was too tired for this shit. Shrugging his shoulders he chose to just stumble back to his room and collapse gratefully into unconsciousness, already forgetting his weird conversation with Spider-Man.

 

-

Would Clint ever just be allowed to have a weekend where the world wasn’t threatening to explode? He sighed, drawing the string of his bow to his cheek and releasing four arrows into the heads of four goddamn plant monsters. Because of course that was what he was fighting. What happened to good old fashioned corrupt governments and secret agents?

 

He continued to sigh dramatically as twelve more plant people grew in their place. 

 

His teammates were equally as occupied, busy trying to fight creatures that had no nerves to feel pain and could just regrow new limbs in minutes. What use was a shield or a magic hammer against a bloody leaf? Only Vision, Stark and Wanda seemed to be making any headway by either blasting them or just ripping them apart atom by atom. Clint was yet to figure out how to control atoms though so he stuck with his arrows. 

 

“Hawkeye!” Clint ignored the kid, there was no real panic in his voice, if anything he seemed excited. And Clint was a bit busy trying to stop a vine from ripping his leg off to look at a shiny rock or whatever it was that had captured the kid’s attention. Plus he was all the way around the corner so there was no need to look up and see whatever was happening. If he needed Clint he could come to him. 

 

That was when he felt a surprisingly weighty and leafy fist connect itself with the back of his skull. Clint went down like a log. 

 

-

 

He was in the medbay. What a damn surprise. 

 

Blearily Clint opened his eyes. Taking the time to regret all of his life choices that had led him to yet another concussion. Judging by the pounding in his head it was a helluva one too. At last the room stopped spinning and he managed to groan out a complaint to whatever deity it was that thought he deserved to be there. 

 

No deity responded. An irritating masked teenager did though. The comically large eye lenses widened in surprise at Clint’s ability to be conscious it seemed. 

  
  


“Hey! Mr Hawkeye, man, you’re awake.”

 

“Gee thanks kid. Hadn’t noticed.” he grumbled.

 

“Look, I know this is probably like a super bad time. And I will totally go get the nurse in a sec but Mr Stark told me I should definitely be here when you woke up to tell you, and these are his words, ‘told you so’” Spider-Man shuffled in his seat, seemingly equally excited and nervous to be relaying this message.

 

“The hell did Stark tell me this time? He knows I don’t listen to him.”

 

“Oh no,” the kid paused, not knowing how to carry on now he had run out of script. “He meant that  _ I _ told you so. Me. Spider-Man.”

 

“Huh?”

 

“Well y’know how I told you about my Spider Sense and you didn’t believe me? Mr Stark says this is karma for you. Because I did try to warn you. But yeah, uh, sorry you got beat up by a plant I’ll go get the nurse now, bye.”

 

It was probably for the best that the kid skipped out of the room that quickly. It made sure Clint had an excuse for not reaching up and throttling him then and there.   
  



End file.
